GoT Recap–No One a/k/a Arya Gets Her Face Back

At last, our long Bravos nightmare is over. Well, at least it fucking better be.  After two years, Arya finally figured out that she is not “no one”, and won’t serve the Many-Faced God. Her name is Arya Stark (like it was the whole damn time) and she’s going home. I’m relieved this plot line seems to be over. Bring Arya back to the fore, show!

Now that Arya is blowing the Bravos Popsicle stand, will she cross paths with the Hound? He’s back to his old self too. By “old self”, I mean straight-up, old fashioned murder. He gets his revenge on the rouge members of the Brotherhood Without Banners who murdered his friends. The rest of the Bros ask the Hound to join up with the them again. The Hound is hesitant because “Lots of horrible shit in this world gets done for something larger than ourselves.” The Bros think the Hound can still help more than he will harm. I understand the Hound’s reticence, but as long as he keeps tossing out gems like “You’re shit at dying.”, I will be happy.

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Rainbow Dash=Basically The Hound.

This episode was the weakest of the entire season, especially compared such strong outings like “The Door” and “Oathbreaker”. Along with Arya being cruddy,  Dinkles’s talents have been totally wasted this season. All he has done is walk around with Bald Guy and try to get Grey Worm and Missandei to drink wine. In the closing minutes of the episode, the Slavers are attacking Mereen. Oh, crap on a cracker! Dani returns from her Dothraki political rally in the nick of time, Drogon (or one of the other two dragons?) flying over the bay in the background. I hope he turns all those slave-owning pieces of shit into burnt ends bar-be-que.

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Dani after all this goes down.

Mereen is not the only locale experiencing high drama violence. At King’s Landing, Cersei is day drinking and DGAF.

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Remember this, kids. Anyway, Birdman (her servant that controls the “Little Birds” from earlier) tells her the High Sparrow wants to see her in his area, and the Faith Militant are there to enforce this. Cersei is basically:

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The Faith Militant (led by Cersei’s other familial paramour, Lancel) says come with us or shit is gonna get ugly. Cersei says “ok”. With that the Mountain rips some guy’s head off. Gaaaahh! This is not GOOoooOOOd. Everybody gets over it fast because Tommen is about to make a royal decree. Turns out Cersei and Loras’s trial won’t be a trial by combat. It will be a more standard trial situation in front of seven septons. I guess this won’t be happening. Or this.

Last, let’s check-in with the goings-on at Riverrun. The Lannisters and the Freys end up seizing the castle from Blackfish Tully. So, no army for Sansa to take on Ramsay. Blackfish Tully and Jamie were just being stubborn AF men. Blackfish didn’t want to give up his ancestral home (understandable) and Jamie didn’t want to compromise (uncool). Brienne and Pod escape the melee on a canoe, Brienne giving Jamie a forlorn wave as they float away. Girl, Jamie was all condescending to you earlier. Aaaaand let’s not forget he’s way too into his sister. Dealbreaker!

dealbreaker.gifPlus, we know now that Bronn would totally fuck Brienne (his words). That means this badass lady knight has two suitors (that we know of) waiting in the wings. I’m thrilled more people are picking up on Brienne’s coolness quotient.

That about covers it for this week. I broke Ron Swanson’s rule of “don’t half-ass two things, whole-ass one thing” while writing this recap. Next week’s Battle of the Bastards will be so much better! Until then, make sure you keep track of your face.

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