We reached the halfway point of this season. I am pleasantly surprised by how well this is going. Episodes are (mostly) exciting, while at the same time setting the table for a glorious feast later on this season and in future seasons. Like last week, I almost don’t have anything to complain about. Almost.
One of the pleasant surprises of the season is Sansa’s kickass attitude. Sansa receives a letter from Littlefinger, so she goes to see him. He expects old simpering Sansa, but what he gets instead is angry, defiant Sansa. She demands to know if Littlefinger knew about Ramsay’s psychotic ways. Sansa claims if Littlefinger did not know about Ramsay, then Littlefinger is an idiot. If he did know about Ramsay, then he’s cruel. Either way, Sansa wins this round against Littlefinger. Plus, Brienne was with Sansa the entire time this exchange is happening, sword at the ready. Littlefinger was no expecting that! GTFO, man. Littlefinger also tells Sansa her great uncle on the Tully side has an army that can help battle Ramsay. This could be a lie. Littlefinger is not one to cower at the sign of conflict. He has to keep stirring the pot. Ultimately, Jon, Sansa, and company head off to find great uncle Tully to inquire about his supposed army. We’ll see where this goes next week.
It’s time for the week’s “Who Cares?” part of the recap. Bullet points, obvs.
- Arya still sucks at fighting. Due to this fact, we saw a close up of a diseased cock on screen. That’s not what the ladies meant when we said “more male nudity”, GoT! Still, I blame Arya.
- Yabbadabba makes her bid to be queen of the Iron Islands. Uncle Triton challenges her. He wins by saying he’s going to build a massive fleet and then marry Dani. He knows about her dragons and her army and wants that power, baby. To the marrying Dani bit I say: Yeah right, dude! There is no way Dani will go for this. Uncle Triton is going to go the way of the Khals, which is dead.
- The Mereen crew still faffed about this week. Bald Guy got dissed by a Melisandre-type priestess. Seriously though, a wizard cast spells on Bald Guy’s penis area? That is messed up. This show is obsessed with penises.
- This is not so much a “who cares?”, but an aside. KG reveals his greyscale to Dani and then attempts to leave her company. She gets emotional. She says that she is still KG’s queen and demands he find a cure. She professes she can’t go on without him by her side. So sweet!
The majority of the episode revolved around Bran and his warging, plus the White Walkers! Now that is some good shit. I’ll talk about this for the rest of the recap.
Bran is all up in this warging business with the Raven. We join them at a Weirwood tree with the children of the forest. They have a man tied to a tree and a spear. They plunge the spear into his heart and the man’s eyes turn icy blue. White Walker blue. HOLY SHIT THEY CREATED THE FIRST WHITE WALKERS WHY DID THEY DO THIS????? In the present, Bran poses the same question. The forest girl says they needed an army to fight the First Men who were going all Christopher Columbus on the forest kids. Seems legit, I guess, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Later on, Bran is bored at the clubhouse tree, so he decides to warg solo without the Raven. He wargs back to where the forest kids created the first White Walker. He’s not alone there, however. There’s an entire army of the wights, the literal skeleton crew. Bran’s getting scurred. Then he turns around, and the Night King is there! He grabs Bran’s arm before Bran can warg back to the tree. This is what happens when you get cocky with your warging powers.
Bran is back at the clubhouse tree. The Raven is like “Guess what? The Night King’s mark is on you. He knows where you are. Run”. At the same time, Curly Sue (Bran’s little curly-haired girlfriend) and the forest kids notice it’s so cold they can see their breath (Oh God). They run to the front entrance of their cave and see an entire army of the wights and White Walkers. The bad guys give chase. Curly Sue is trying to wake up Bran to GTFO, but Bran is not mentally present. He’s in the past, when Hodor was still Wylis. Curly Sue gathers Bran and gets Hodor to start carrying him. They run through the cave toward The Door at the other end. Wights are in hot pursuit. They all make it through the door, the Wights even closer. Curly Sue yells to Hodor “Hold the door! Hold the door! Hold the door!” In the past, young Wylis collapses to the ground in a violent seizure-like action, while muttering “hold the door hold the door hold the door”. This gradually gets elided to “Hodor Hodor Hodor”. Bran realizes that warging into Hodor in the future changed Hodor’s life forever.
Hodor in the present blocks the door so the wights can’t get to Bran and Curly Sue. The wights seize Hodor as Bran and Curly Sue escape into the white nothingness. “Hodor” was not just a name. It was a solemn vow of protection.
We will never forget you, Hodor.
Hodor’s story was such an emotional close to the episode. Where will Bran and Curly Sue go? Is uncle Tully’s army real or a Littlefinger trick? Will KG survive greyscale like Princess Stannis? Will you miss Hodor? I’m not holding doors for people anymore.