I never thought I would say this, but GoT wasn’t a complete dog and pony show this week! The pacing of this episode was near excellent. We saw many characters we care about instead of ancillary side players. We’re getting a sense for how the larger plot points will play out. Since the show runners are (mostly) free from the books, the show has the pacing of a television show, instead of the turgid, bombastic pacing of the books (i.e. boring as hell). This episode set the stage for at least two colossal, plot-driving battles. Additionally, a fan favorite became more powerful than ever. Since this episode was enjoyable, I almost don’t have anything to make fun of. Almost.
Let’s discuss those “plot-driving” battles first. One of them will take place in the North. It’s Jon Snow vs. Ramsay. Be there, be there, be there! Sansa and Brienne made it to Castle Black before Jon had the chance to peace the fuck out. Sansa heading to Castle Black was a good idea, but also a disastrous idea. Ramsay knows Jon is (was?) Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch, so obvs. Sansa would head there for safety. Ramsay sends Jon a horrid letter saying that Ramsay has Rickon and Rickon’s dead direwolf as a rug. If Jon gives Sansa back to Ramsay, Rickon will go unharmed. Also, rape, murder, dismemberment, large-scale death, et cetera (I’m paraphrasing). Ramsay signs the letter “Warden of the North”, so everyone in the Jon-Sansa retinue knows Ramsay killed Rodolfo. There’s no vacillating about it. No “Maybe he was poisoned by an enemy” or “He died peacefully in his sleep surrounded by family”. It’s just a known quantity that Ramsay straight-up killed his dolt of a dad. Anyway, Sansa tells Jon that he must fight Ramsay, reasoning that other Northern families will join them because Ramsay is a “monster”. Jon looks like is ready to throw down. Go Jon! Go Sansa for defending what you believe in! After this episode, I feel even stranger about enjoying Iwan Rheon’s (the actor that portrays Ramsay) music. Such a dichotomy! Check it out below if you feel so inclined! I just have a lot of feelings about this.
RIP, Tonks btw.
We know that Littlefinger is headed to Castle Black with the Nights of the Vale to defend Sansa. I cackle with glee thinking about Littlefinger getting his dirty little paws up in that business. Hopefully Robin will die there. He’s all gung-ho to save Sansa. Dude, weren’t you still breastfeeding, like last week? You just can’t 180 from that to killing Ramsay & Company. Plus, we saw how much you suck at archery. Good riddance, I hope.
Wait! Before I finish talking about the North, I must mention that Gingerbeard McAngry is INTO Brienne. He wants to be all up in it. He wants to gulp down that tall drink of water. Thank you, show, for those glorious fuck-me eyes. I will never forget this.
Brienne’s face is inscrutable to me. Burgeoning love fest? Please let it be so!
The other pending big battle concerns the Lannisters, Tyrells, and the High Sparrow. Basically, the Lannisters and Tyrells realize that the High Sparrow is pitting them all against each other, so he can stay in power longer. They need to join forces to take down the High Sparrow. It’s an “enemy of my enemy” type of deal. After the High Sparrow is dunzo, the Lannisters and Tyrells can go back to their petty bickering, the way things were meant to be.
It’s now time for the “Who Cares?” portion of the recap. Once again, this is in bullet points style.
- Margery is still in jail, but the High Sparrow lets her visit Loras. He doesn’t look so great. Spirit=broken.
- Theon goes home to the Iron Islands to show his support for Yabbadabba being the boss of the whole dang place.
- Dinkles realizes that in politics, you can’t please everybody. He meets with the other leaders of Slaver’s Bay who are angry Dani abolished slavery. Dinkles agrees to let them phase out slavery over 7 years. Melisadei and Grey Worm tell Dinkles that it’s clear that Dinkles has never been a slave because 7 years is a long-ass time to be a slave! To be continued.
That’s got to be the shortest “who cares?” section in the history of these recaps! Let’s hope that keeps up.
I bet you’re wondering, how is Dani doing in all of this? She is doing so much better! KG and Liam McGuiness make it to Dothraki Land. After being waylaid by an interloper, they find Dani. She has an awesome plan for getting out of their predicament.. She confronts the Khals in their sad little wigwam, saying she should be the leader. They laugh at her and threaten to rape her until she dies. She puts her hands in the giant torches (not getting burned, natch) and pushes them all over so the Khals are trapped in the fire. The whole building is engulfed in an inferno. The rest of the Dothraki run toward the blaze. As the hut is literally going down in flames, Dani emerges, naked and triumphant. Dani is definitely deserving of the “Unburnt” title in her name, but I guess her clothes don’t have the same powers. All the Dothraki are bowing to her. Liam has a look on his face that says “Wow. I had no idea she was so powerful”. KG is like “No doi, pretty boy”. I suppose this means Dani is the leader of the Dothraki again. She is going to have one huge-ass army, along with three dragons.
That concludes this week’s installment. I hope next week’s episode will also be high quality. Will Dani rule the Dothraki? Will Jon Snow and Ramsay throw down? Will Littlefinger fuck up everything? Will Jamie and Cersei kill the High Sparrow? Do you think I would suck at archery as much as Robin? I’d better practice for the imminent battle at Castle Black.