GoT pulled a True Blood last night. For those of you unfamiliar with HBO’s previous programming, I’ll explain. True Blood almost always ended on a cliff hanger. The next episode almost always picked up right at the cliff hanger, so you usually didn’t have to wait too long to find out what happened. True Blood reveled in instant gratification. GoT is usually the complete opposite. If True Blood was all about giving the viewers what they want instantly, GoT is all about making viewers wait to see the “big stuff” and delaying gratification. Except for this episode.
How exactly did GoT go all True Blood on us? Episode three opened right where we ended episode two, with JS gasping for breath. Melisandre and Davos find him alive. Melisandre asks JS what he saw when he was dead. JS says “Nothing” (just like what he knows). Thanks for confirming my suspicions on that, JS! JS then walks among the Wildlings and the rest of Castle Black. Everyone is understandably agog. They think he’s a god. JS seems like his old self, but I wonder how long that will last. It’s good to know that even on the fucked up show, someone coming back from the dead is not normal.
Besides being alive again, the rest of the day is not great for JS.
Gingerbeard McAngry insults his manhood, and then JS has to assist in the hanging of the traitors who stabbed him. JS gives his Lord Commander cloak to one of his loyalists and starts to leave. When asked where he is going, JS says “My watch has ended.” Oh yeah, cuz you died lolz! Looks like JS was the titular oathbreaker all along. Drop that mic, JS!
Since we’re on the subject of instant gratification, let’s get to the next anticipated part of this episode: the Tower of Joy flashback.
Once again, this flashback is brought to you by Bran and Old Man Raven. Also by the letter “F” for “finally”. Young Ned and his contingency are looking for Lyanna, but the tower is guarded by some exemplary swordsmen. Total sword fight time! After Ned’s side wins, they hear a woman’s cries of distress coming from the castle and start to head inside. Bran wants to follow, but Old Man Raven is all j/k fool. These two could stand in for the viewers and the show runners. We’re like Bran with “More Tower of Joy!” and the show runners are like the Raven with “That’s enough for today.” Nooooooo, show me more!
I am really sad like this cat because we can’t see what’s in the tower and the rest of the episode was a slog.
It’s time for the “who cares?” portion of the recap. This might need to be a weekly feature. We’ll do this bullets points style because that’s all the effort this merits.
- Arya gets a face! I guess I can’t call her Blind No-Face Arya anymore. She even recited three of the names from her Shit List. Please be cool again, Arya!
- The Mereen crew are trying to get the dish on the Sons of the Harpy.
- Fat Sam and Gilly Tilly are on a boat. Surprising no one, Fat Sam gets seasick.
- Cersei and Jamie meet with the Tyrells. Neither side can agree, so nothing gets done. Just like Congress! GoT, you are applicable to modern governance. Cersei also wants little street vagrants to find out secrets for her. Good plan.
- Tommen visits the High Sparrow asking if Cersei can see Cersei Jr.’s final resting place. Dude, that is futile. The High Sparrow says no because Cersei needs to completely atone for her sins. He kept talking and I dozed a bit.
- Some guy calls Rodolfo a cunt, but then delivers Rickon Stark and that lady that was hanging with Bran (I think that’s her) to Ramsay. This is not goooood.
There is one last riveting character to discuss—Dani. She made it to the Dothraki widow clubhouse. The other Kal widows are spiteful towards her. I’m not too concerned about Dani; she’ll be ruling these heaux in about 15 seconds.
That brings us to the conclusion of episode three. Will JS experience any side effects after coming back from the dead? Besides the whole “I was dead and now I’m alive again”, which must torment a person’s pysche. Where is JS going? What should I chose for Arya’s new sobriquet? Will Dani add “Empress of the Kal Widows” to her ever-growing name? Will there be more Tower of Joy flashbacks next week? I hope I don’t have to post a sad kitty picture again.