Season 5, Episode 8: Hardhome
Original Air Date: May 31, 2015
In the antepenultimate episode of the season, our favorite shit show really kicked it up tennotches. The biggest bad in a mythical land of baddies, the Whitewalkers, finally made an appearance. Let’s delve right into dessert first, shall we?
Jon Snow, who knows nothing, joins Gingerbeard McAngry on a trip to the Wildling
domain of Hardhome. There some boring negotiations, but eventually JS gets some of the Wild folk to leave their land. As they’re loading people into boats, a beautiful snow is falling and everyone sails away on the tranquil sea. NOT!! The snow falls, but a disembodied ominous cloud of snow gathers over the mountains. The cloud rapidly descends on the village of Wild Weirdos (who all miraculously wear identical coats, even though sewing machines don’t exist in Hardhome or Westeros). The gates to the village are quickly closed. There are the sounds of fracas, then total silence. That silence was oppressive and terrifying. Of course, since this is a TV show, a character gets CLOSER to the gate where all the weird shit went down. Dude, GTFO!!!!
Everyone best run the fuck away because a skeletal zombie hand shoots forth from the gate,
splintering the strong wood and grasping for flesh to rip. OMFG WHITEWALKERS RUNAWAY EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!
That’s right. The Whitewalkers returned to make their undead army and the Wildlings are
perfect candidates. JS (and every other character we know) are so out of their element. The
White Walker knight demonstrated his battalion-making powers as JS sailed away with the rest of the survivors. The look on his face screamed “What are you gonna do now, bitch?” I’m hoping the advent of the Whitewalkers will tie some of the disparate plot points together. For example, maybe Dani Khaleesi will need to come to the Kings Landing/Area Where Everyone Else Is with her dragons to fight the Whitewalkers. This will get her in JS’s orbit which will be huge because they are likely related and Jon will find out he has royal blood. If that is the case, this shit show will just be engorged with preposterous plot points.
Since we gobbled so many delicious desserts with the Whitewalker plot we should have
some vegetables for balance. For example, Araya’s plot is a total vegetable. That vegetable is Brussel sprouts because they are putrid no matter how many other delicious ingredients with which they are prepared. Simply put, Araya was in the episode. Let’s move along to a scrumptious part of the meal.
While not dessert level, the tête-à-tête between Dinkles and Dani Khaleesi was
captivating. I’ll say it was cheesy potato level. These two characters have more in common than they (or even the audience realized). They connected over the fact that their fathers loathed them.
If only Freud knew these two! This could be the foundation of a staunch partnership that will one day rule Westeros.
Also worthy of cheesy potato level is Sansa finding out Bran and Ricon are still alive.
This intel will give her hope to murder the Boltons and take back the North…or at least escape from the confinement and psychological torture that is her current living situation.
Now that our meal is over, I will leave you until next week. There are only two more
episode to go in season 5! Will the Whitewalkers continue to invade Westeros, expanding their frozen zombie army as they go? Will the dragons appear to battle the Whitewalkers? What will Sansa do now that she knows her younger brothers are alive? Will Araya move past Brussel sprout status? Fasten your seat belts; this shit show is in the final stretch.