GoT recap: The Fail

Season 5, Episode 7–The Gift

Original Air Date: May 24, 2015

In this episode, we see the denouement for some longer running plot points, while other plots begin to pick up steam. Let’s delve into this week’s installment of the shit show.

We spend some quality time in the North this week. Jon Snow gets ready for his trek with
Gingerbeard McAngry. Sansa tries to get Theon/Reek to help her, but he sells her out to Ramsay.

We see Sansa covered in bruises from Ramsay’s nightly “visits” (euphemism for “rapes”) and then a scene where Ramsay shows off his sadistic tendencies to Sansa. Sansa is totally going to get pregnant and that will be certified disaster. Sansa does get in some good jabs at Ramsay by asking him about how the birth of his step-sibling will affect his position as heir. Ramsay is a bastard after all (both literally and figuratively). His face is so terrifying during this scene.

Before we leave the Sansa storyline for the week, we see Brienne the Awesome watching the
city from a distance. What does it all mean????

I’m going to skip all the parts with Fat Sam, Gilly/Tilly, and the blind old guy who died. So
uninteresting.

In other news, KG finally got his day in front of Dani Khaleesi. She sees KG and is like
“GTFO”, then Dinkles shows up and she changes her mind. The plot thickens…or something.

In Dorn, Bronn sings a good song and a Sandsnake shows him some T&P. We find out Bronn was poisoned by a weapon, but the exhibitionist Sandsnake gives him the only antidote. There is no sign of Jamie this week.

This episode finally gets interesting with the King’s Landing plot points. Grandma Tyrell is
trying to give everyone the business, but unfortunately, it’s not working. The head-religious-zealot-in-charge (HZIC) is unaffected by her threats to stop sending food and grain to King’s Landing. I guess he survives on hatred and bigotry?

Plodding along in King’s Landing, Cersei visits Margery in prison for a good gloat. Surprising no one, Margery yells at Cersei to go away, you hateful bitch. Cersei continues her gloat session with the HZIC. He gets a vicious gleam in his eye and begins yammering about the religious finery in the temple/dungeon/church in which they are standing.  He talks about what would be left of that place if all the religious iconography were stripped away. What would be left, now that nothing beautiful was there to conceal ugly secrets? He further explains that when mini zealots join the order of the high sparrow they have to confess all their sins. Cersei tries to keep her famous stony bitch face, but you can see a flicker of fear dance across her eyes. Then Cersei’s cousin/fuck buddy sidles into the room with a knowing glare. Now the HZIC knows Cersei likes to “keep it in the family”.  She’s thrown in jail like a piece of sinful trash. It’s not really a surprise; Cersei was getting lackadaisical in her evil schemes.

This is the shortest recap yet. My patience for this show is waning. Maybe next week the recap will be better (but probably not). This shit show is still leaving us with questions. Will Cersei be released from jail? Will Dinkles impress Dani Khaleesi? Will Bronn survive being poisoned?

Will the North ever be interesting? Will Brienne murder Ramsay? Tell us your secrets and lead the way into next week, show!

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