Season 5, Episode 8: The Dance of Dragons
Original Air Date: June 7, 2015
Welcome, welcome to the penultimate recap for Game of Thrones Season 5! This episode had basically everything: child death, dragons, and decapitation. Let’s delve into the mayhem that was this week’s episode.
Do you all remember Ramsay’s evil ploting to weaken Stannis’s army? Of course you do—it was when Ramsay and his dad Roldolfo (that is his name now) were discussing Stannis’s maneuvering to take over the North. Ramsay says he only needs “20 good men” to cripple Stannis. Coincidentally, Stannis’s camp was attacked in the dead of night by a merry band of arsonists—20 of them in fact. Now the camp lost hundreds of men and all its supplies. What is a royal army leader person like Stannis supposed to do?
According to some random prophecy and Melisandrae, the creepy-ass bitch, the answer is to burn his daughter Princess Stannis alive at the stake. This is completely rational response to the current problem.
So, Princess Stannis is dead. Will Stannis succeed in his quest for glory? We likely will not find out until Season 6.
Stannis is not the only character in the North with 99 problems. Jon Snow, who still knows
nothing, returns to the wall with the Wildlings in tow. No one is amused, especially the guy who thinks Jon’s kind heart will get everyone killed. The platitude “No good deeds goes unpunished” is Jon Snow’s entire life.
Araya and Jamie appeared this week. Araya crossed paths with Lord Tyrell. This is likely
meaningful, but I started zoning out at this juncture of the episode.
I zoned back in at the right time. Dani Khaleesi is reluctantly presiding over the fights in the Mereen area. Her douche nozzle, only for political alliance husband is at her side. So are Liam McGuiness and Dinkles. Dani Khaleesi, Douche Nozzle and Liam banter among themselves. Dinkles senses the love triangle among these three instantaneously. That licentious imp! While Dinkles looks on at the love birds, the first match ends in decapitation. Lovely. The next match is called into the arena. One
of the fighters is none other than KG! Our love triangle is now a love square.
As you are well aware, KG is there to prove his love to Dani Khaleesi, and he certainly proves it in the area with his glorious fighting moves. He twirls around the area, KARATE, KARATE, KARATE! Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne would be envious of those moves. KG kills approximately six other guys. Victorious, he stands alone in the arena, beaming at Dani Khalessi. Then, without warning, he hurls a spear toward her viewing tent. I thought he was trying to kill Liam McGuiness or Douche Nozzle.
The spear hits neither; instead the spear cleaves the heart of a Son of the Harpy who was creeping into Dani’s tent. Best KARATE move yet, KG! The crowd breathes a collective sigh of relief as the Harpy lies dead. Don’t rest just yet, citizens of Mereen! Abruptly, the number of Sons of the Harpy in the crowd multiply, popping up like a losing game of Whack-a-mole. They kill audience members without discrimination while Dani’s team races to protect her. Dinkles kills a guy! The Harpys have numbers on their side and soon our good guys are surrounded. Dani lays out her winning hand and calls one of her
dragons. It soars over the arena, eviscerating a Harpy or two and making crispy critters out of the others. Dani mounts her dragon and glides to safety.
With episodes 8 and 9, Game of Thrones is laying the foundation for an electrifying finale. There is so much left to wonder and only one episode remaining. Where did the dragon take Dani Khaleesi? What does the dragon mean for the rest of our players vying for power in Westeros? Will dragon appearances become commonplace? Is KG back in the game? Will Dinkles kill more Harpys? Will JS keep standing in the snow with a mournful look? Will Araya do more than sell oysters? Will Jamie and his right hand escape Dorn? Where is Littlefinger? Watch next week as the Shit Show Games concludes its fifth season.